The Content Blender

What the world needs is two of me… right?
I was just thinking the other day how fortunate the world is to have me. You would know what I mean if you could have seen the expression on my mother’s face when she opened up the Christmas present I gave her of the latest gangster rap CD by Worthless Dog with his lead song, “Slap Me Down for Thinking”. Just after my mom realized how considerate I am, she began to cry. I knew just how she felt.

I am so full of myself, that it hardly all fits in me, and I think it’s high time society takes a double look at the controversy surrounding cloning, using me as an example as to why the world would be a better place with clones. I mean, if I am just one example, think how much better my mom would be — and indeed the world — if there were two of me. The possibilities are endless. And if there were more people like me in the world that were cloned, the world wouldn’t be in the mess it’s in today… would it?

For one thing, I’d get a lot more done around the house and have plenty of time to sit around and do nothing. My clone could get some honey do’s done like mow the lawn and fix the kitchen sink, while I partied with all my rowdy friends. Even when I was busy watching sports on TV, I wouldn’t miss a thing. While my clone sat in for me during the commercials, I could zip on out to the kitchen to get a refill from the fridge and fix up another hamburger or two and he could tell me what I missed when I get back to the TV.

My work schedule would definitely improve. Shucks, just the mere thought that I had a clone to cover for me while I went fishing is enough to get me excited, and if I fell behind again on the rent, we could pull double shifts, amazing all my co-workers with my stamina and cheerful mood.

There are a few problems with this idle view of a perfect world. I mean, when I get up in the mornings, my mind is like in this heavy fog until the coffee gets into my bloodstream. So when I open the door to go to work, I wouldn’t be really sure if I’m meeting myself coming, meeting myself going or if it was actually my clone. Sometime during the workday I’d start thinking about that.

Then there’s the small problem of paychecks and bills. If it were up to me, I’d get the paychecks and my clone can have all the bills, but somehow, since he’d be thinking like me, I don’t think he’d like that. And if there’s anything I don’t like is someone like me who knows all the answers.

Then I don’t know what to do about my wife. I mean, unless I had her cloned too, she’d get really suspicious when I came in late at night and there’s someone that looks an awful lot like me snoring alongside her. Oh well, at least I’d have an organ donor handy.

The good thing is that when I got into trouble with the law — again — and the cops came looking for me, I could confuse the best of them by saying that it wasn’t me, but some guy that looks just like me. Do you think they’d buy that in court?

And what happens when the kids want me to read a bedtime story? If I walked in to tuck them into bed and my clone is already reading to them, I think I might only get my feathers ruffled.

I haven’t got all the details worked out, but man oh man, cloning sure sounds like the good way to go. Yep, cloning is the wave of the future, I can see that now. I just can’t figure out though, that if I had a clone, which of us would get the credit for such a wonderful idea?

About the Author

Fred has been writing articles since the early 1970’s as a columnist. He enjoys telling the world about life in the Ozarks, Christian values and his many, many interests.

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